Every holiday season, it's the same story. Adult children come to visit their aging parent who they have not seen in awhile and notice a striking difference. "A year can make a big difference in a senior's ability to cope," states Barbara Katz, RN Director of Clinical Programs at VNA Community Healthcare. "You may find that the situation is an emergency that requires residential placement but in most cases you will find that you can, with competent help, keep your parent independent at home much longer," Katz adds.

It is important to have a realistic idea of where things stand. Asking your parent directly, may get a defensive response. A better approach is to quietly take a look around and use this checklist developed by VNA Community Healthcare.

Check the refrigerator.
Is there spoiled food? Has the milk gone sour? Is the freezer full of frozen dinners while the vegetable drawer is empty? These may be signs that your parent is not eating properly.

Take a look at the mail.
Are there personal letters or holiday cards that have not been opened? Are there thank you notes from multiple charities that your parents never contributed to before? Most worrisome, are there piles of unopened bills?

Check the car and watch them drive.
Take a look at the oil and the tires to see if the car has been maintained. Check for dents or scratches that weren't there in the past. Follow your parent in your car and watch how he or she handles stop signs and getting on the highway.

Take a peek at the bathroom.
As people become increasingly frail they start to have trouble with housework. The bathroom is one place where this will become apparent. There also may be evidence that they are having a problem controlling their bodily functions.

Talk to the neighbors.
You don't see your family members regularly; they do. Ask about any signs of trouble such as wandering, struggling with trash cans, frequently losing keys or going to the wrong house.

Observe your parent more closely.
Are there any signs of falls such as bruising or limping? Do they seem to have more difficulty finding words, doing things they used to do or remembering recent events?

After you have observed, have a talk.
You may be reluctant to rock the boat of a calm holiday, but remember that the best present you can give your parents is early action and long term independence. Mention what you have observed and make it clear that you are asking because you are concerned. Listen before you talk and hear their perception of the situation without telling them what to do or pushing your own solution. Start a conversation about the type of help they might need and explain that you will start to gather some information about what is available.

Get help from local experts.
Order a copy of the free booklet Avoiding an Eldercare Crisis and schedule a personal consultation on how to get started with private home care help for your parents by calling LifeTime Solutions (an affiliate of VNA Community Healthcare ) private home care at 203.458.5990